IGUAZU: Bare Falls Witnessed

The mammoth falls of Iguazu cascade in a deafening roar at a bend in the Iguazu River where the borders of Argentina, Paraguay and Brazil meet. A dense, moist tropical jungle surrounds the waterfalls, short-listed as one of the new seven wonders of the world. Other short-listed candidates include Adriana Lima’s perfect behind and Bar Rafaeli’s insanely gorgeous body. But sadly no commercial tours have been set up for these natural wonders yet.

We based ourselves in the small and sleepy Argentinean town of Puerto Iguazu. It made sense to stay in the Argentinean side over the Brazilian section as the hotels and restaurants are better, the area is safer, the prices are lower and the gambling is perfectly legal.

The first day in Iguazu was spent on the Brazilian side, which offered an astounding panoramic view of the cataratas. After crossing the Argentinean-Brazilian border and navigating a two hour trek along a jungle trail, we were treated to nature at both its angriest and finest. Upon seeing the monstrous Iguazu falls, U.S. first lady Eleanor Roosevelt reportedly exclaimed “Poor Niagara!” Upon seeing it, we crowed “Poor Pagsanjan!” With all its raw power, the falls were mind numbingly magnificent. And so was the twelve dollar buffet lunch at the restaurant.

After sunset, we ventured into the Brazilian city of Foz do Iguacu to check out the local carnaval. In this city, the carnaval party was centered in a wide open avenue as music blared from parade-style floats and hundreds of people samba’d their genetically gifted Brazilian asses off in the streets.

The next morning, we wandered into the Argentinean side of the cataratas, which offered better close-up views, more eco-activities and accessible walkways. The 100 peso adventure tour (also known as the “Ripoff Grande Package Tour”) included an anti-climactic truck ride through the forest, where the highlight was seeing a lone tocano perched on a branch. The cool portion of the proceedings however was a speed raft ride across the rapids and right into the furious waterfalls known to many as the Salto Tres Mosqueteros, where our collective asses were handed to us by the soaking rage of Mother Nature.

Sena was served at a local Puerto Iguazu institution, the El Quincho del Tio Querido restaurant, recommended by our ace driver, David. I wholeheartedly suggest the restaurant’s signature dish, the river fish. It will rock your world.

The night’s merriment continued at the local hip club, “Jackie Brown” which to my surprise, played excellent house and Euro-douche music. Kids were bumping their chests in this local gem. Cigarette smoke filled the club and we decided to get some fresh air. We finally ended up at the Casino Iguazu where we miserably and collectively failed at this fine institution’s offerings of legalized games of chance.